Pure unadulterated blaspheme.

I will surely burn at the stake for this. OUCH! See? No? You will!

God is the devil, and the devil is God you see. You have this whole creation thing going on, what with the miracle of life and all. Out of nothing, something. Not only something, but butterflies and buttercups. He gave us Selma Hayek for Christ sake. Okay so maybe not for christs sake. Then again, perhaps the Magdalene looked like her. But I digress (as many men, and some women will where Selma is concerned). But then he gives us crap like pain. I mean WTF? “Oh, it is so we will protect ourselves”. That is BS. What about when it just happens. Like a three day headache? What of the cute little bunny that got part of its leg torn off by an angry badger? (Okay, perhaps it was a fox or a stoat). Now this bunny had some flight response, and got away. Now it is laying in the tall grass cursing to the Christ of bunnies, and feeling some serious pain. For a long time.

And you dear reader? You have seen Gods grace in creating the beauty of Selma, but he did not grace you with her. That has to hurt just a little. No?

Then you have all these fellows in black robes, professing to have the words of this cruel God telling you that the snake (penis?) led Eve astray in the garden. The apple of wisdom? Knowledge of sexual beauty. “And Adam and Eve saw that they were naked and were ashamed” Perhaps Eve looked like Selma, and Adam got a piece of wood. She blushed and he felt all awkward. They decided to cover up her “apples” and naughty bits so Adam would not get splinters from this thing standing out in front of him. I mean here you are out in the garden and all nakey and everything, the last thing you would want is to run into a tree with your pecker first. Now these dudes have said Sex is Evil (Eve’el) for many millenniums. So this god puts all of these Selmas on earth, and says Do Not Walk On the Grass. Do not touch. Ouch, that don’t quite seem right to me. So say you are lucky enough to have a Selma of your own. She has a three day headache (unwarranted pain and suffering on her part) and you don’t get to walk on the grass (unwarranted pain on your part) Then your little man apples get all ripe and overly full, and ….. you guessed it, more pain.

What kind of God puts all of this pain on earth? I’ll tell you. He has good and bad in him, just the same as us. But power corrupts, and this all powerful dude has no one to check him. So the earth is like his little experiment, only he gets bored and throws in pain. He has no one to mirror himself on, so he battles out his inner id on us. With us. Either that or God is really a Goddess and threw in pain because she is on the rag and a jealous bitch because she does not look like Selma.

Either way you look at it, we are screwed. I just hope you have your own version of a Selma with which to pass away this painful existence.